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This Year So Far...
richmondbread
Well I have been going through a lot this year so far- but I suppose its mostly a test of faith. Early this year I felt really bad with a funny virus that left me feeling anxious a lot and not being able to sleep. I went to the Dr several times and they could find nothing wrong. As things subsided, they put me on beta blockers to treat mild hypertension . So it extended my not feeling very well. It left me worse- with cold hands and feet and I was having a lot of depression.One day last month I had to sing a solo in church and i felt dreadfully ill. I felt cold and sweaty and very not myself.  I finally am off those now and starting to feel like myself again- only I wish it had started sooner. Im not sure what this year will bring- if anything at all. The Lord is really testing my faith- but I think the enemy is knocking at any door he possibly can.

I have a lot of things that bother me. I get annoyed when I dont get bookings or gigs. Some times they simply won't respond to my inquiries, but I wish I would simply get a yes or no answer. I wasnt even picked to sing the National Anthem at any of the Richmond Flying Squirrels games this year. It makes me feel really sad. I guess I thought I had some sort of shot, since I pretty much sing in pitch and have a 3 and half octave range and all of that. (not to brag). I really am trying to write more songs- but some of them are coming up sad and many just throw away tunes. But I am enoying every bit of opportunity I can to perform live. I turned 31 this past April 8th- and it really puts things in perspective. This was harder for me than turning 30 for some reason. I felt by this age I would have some sort of career-at least blooming. But I seem to be in the same position I was 5 or 6 years ago. Same circuits, same level of music venues, same crowds, same level of pay (usually none), and Im still at home with my dad. My Aunt is very sick and I try to help with that- but Im really not much help. My sleep schedule is not great either. But I know that Im growing spiritually. I just really want to do something big within the next few years- at the very least move out on my own. I feel as if I'm always 5-10 years behind in life. Im not sure if my mother hadn't of died when I was 11, if things would have been different. But most likely it does seem they would.  I feel this year I have nothing major to look forward to. I want to record an EP for 10" vinyl and get that marketed- which would have some of my most beloved songs including "Hipsters Ruin Everything"- and the long awaited "We Talk In Circles". But to be honest, I'm not sure of anything anymore. One day at a time I suppose.

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